The Hump on my Road

By Karla Maria Rodrigues

When we are kids, we tend to ask a lot of questions. We are growing and our brains are developing; consequently, we often ask questions to understand the world we live in. I still remember the one time my dad took me for a ride in his first car he ever bought. I was watching the road through the window making sure I was catching every detail. I remember asking my dad about a hump on the road and what the purpose of it was. His answer was simple and clear: “Oh that's a speed-hump. It's supposed to make the cars slow down.” I was very observative as a kid. I noticed that sometimes on my street, people wouldn’t slow down for the hump, which would often cause accidents, so I never really understood the meaning of that thing. Now that I'm grown and also a driver, I understand its purpose. Even though speed-humps in America are not all over the place like in my home country, I've seen some here and there. And it is true, it does slow you down. No one will drive ninety miles per hour on a road with a hump, right?! Well, I did. But in my case the car was my life, I was the driver, and the “hump” was Covid-19.

Back in 2019, I had to slow my life down due to a worldwide pandemic. When Covid first started, Paula, my roommate at the time and also one of my best friends, happened to be there with me. We were both working in the restaurant industry where we were blessed to make enough money to pay our monthly bills and more. I remember it was the beginning of 2020, and one day I got home after a long shift and shared with Paula how slow work had been lately, which was very hard to accept since both restaurants were usually very busy. “It's probably due to the pandemic, which is going to hit us anytime now,” Paula said. “A pandemic?!” I thought in my head. I remembered hearing that word in Geography class a long time ago but wasn't sure what it meant. A few days had passed and surprisingly, Paula was right. Little did I know what was about to come.

I was never someone who would stop at some point in the day to sit down, grab a mug of coffee and watch the news. In fact, since I moved to America, I had never read news from back home or from here. I was too busy working double shifts, six days a week, and didn't really have the time to catch up on what was going on with the world. All I cared about was money, work and paying my bills on time. When Covid-19 was first discovered, it became the main topic of the news all over the world. Everywhere we went someone would be talking about “the virus.” I was forced to read the news to at least know what I was dealing with in case one of us got sick. Watching TV and reading articles about the virus informed us, but at the same time, it created fear. Every website or social media site would have lines referring to “the virus,” stocking up on food, quarantine time, etc.

The pandemic had arrived in America and along with it, so many lives were taken. I have never in my life seen so many families being destroyed for something that no one had control of. I was jobless, hopeless and devastated, but I couldn't show it to anyone. I had to come up with a plan. I had to get up every day and lie. Lie not only for the sake of my mental health, but lie to my family back home as well. I knew I wasn't at my best, but even then, I had to get myself together and be ready for the day. “Everything will be ok, I'm fine,” I said countless times to my parents after crying for hours and doing my makeup right after to go on Facetime with them. Paula wasn't doing so well either. We were not only in the same boat on this one but also living in the same house. We had to slow down, rethink the situation and come up with a plan.

My life before the virus was going fast. In fact, I don't even recall the last time I had sat down to plan my life or to think about my future before Covid. At some point in my journey living in America, I got off track. I’m not sure if it was due to stress or depression and can't really explain why or when that started, but my lifestyle was definitely not the same anymore. My dreams were paused and work became my best friend, preventing me from having time to think about the purpose of my life here. Everything happened so fast that three years had passed like it was three months. I would wake up every morning, go to my first job, get off, eat somewhere, go to my second shift, work again, and finally go home around midnight. That was my daily routine. No time off, no vacation, no goals. Just doing the same thing over and over again as if I was a robot. Due to the stress of working so much, I also would spend a lot of money buying things to fill my emptiness, such as video games or clothes and shoes that I would never wear.  Before Covid, I was driving my life at ninety miles per hour. I never had a break, never slowed down, never planned anything. I was definitely not ready for what was about to come, neither financially, emotionally nor physically.

“What now?” “What about my job?” “Do I have enough money to survive?” So many questions popped into my head and I knew deep inside I was not ready for that. I had just sent all of my money back home to help my family with their finances. I had rent coming up, a car loan, forty-three plants to take care of and a dog. I started to regret my life decisions and all the mindless spending I had done in the past. I was so worried and lost that my mind occasionally just gave up on me. I found myself depressed again and in a complete state of shock to the point where I couldn't think of anything. All I would do was cry all day long. 

After a long month had passed, Paula and I were stuck together all day, and so was everyone else with their families or roommates. I was blessed to get a job on an app that allowed me to work delivering food and groceries in my neighborhood. Lines at the store were long, everyone making sure they were wearing masks, had their gloves on, and of course, you couldn't forget the hand sanitizer. It was kind of hard for my eyes to believe that was my new life, my “new normal.” Despite the chaos of stores running out of toilet paper way too often, people were being very nice, giving good tips, smiling more and being more thankful. “Thank you for being out there.” “Thank you so much for risking your life.” “Be safe out there.” At every house I delivered groceries to, someone would say something like that, or even leave an envelope with cash in it sometimes. At the end of the day, I was grateful for having a job that was putting food on our table and giving us the chance to be on time with our bills. I would miss my old jobs here and there (and the money too), but it didn't take me too long to realize that my new life wasn't too bad. I liked that job, I liked working less hours and making enough to pay my bills and even save some. I liked the grocery shopping adventure and, to my surprise, I liked that “new normal”. I started to think that slowing down was actually not bad overall. That “hump” had opened my eyes to a new reality that I was so blind to see.

Paula and I decided to start taking more care of ourselves since we had so much free time on our hands. We were doing yoga, eating better and trying our best to be there for each other. I was cooking every day, eating healthy and taking better care of my body because at the end of the day, a strong immune system meant not getting sick. I started to live with less, created a minimalist lifestyle, and worried more about my future. Instead of buying shoes that I didn't have time to wear, I started to buy books to educate myself. I created a new routine and found out that mental health really matters and is something that everyone should take care of. I was able to connect my mind and body which gave me the strength that I had lost due to that fast-paced lifestyle I was living on. I finally had the time to sit down and take a break, to press “pause,” and restart the movie. The movie of my life that I was so close to messing all up. I planned my life ahead and was living day by day in that new reality, not the “what do I do now” reality but the “It's ok, I got this” state of mind.

 Businesses finally started to open up again after a few months, as we had gone from “state of emergency” to the “new normal,” and people were so glad to be back. I was grateful to have both my jobs calling and asking me to go back to work. Both places were up and running, and people wouldn't stop coming in to get food to go, and to my surprise, alcoholic drinks, too. Everyone was so glad that we were back. People were generous with the tipping and very grateful for our services. After a few weeks of work, and with the number of orders both places had, I was able to get my old schedule back. The only difference this time was that instead of six days, I had five days, but still, double shifts. I had to readapt my mind and body to the “new normal,” but here I was again getting myself ready for the “old normal.” People started to get more comfortable about going out, so restaurants were back to full capacity. All my old coworkers were back, the regular customers, the people from the store next door, but something was missing. I didn't find myself as happy as I used to be.

I started noticing that both of my jobs were the reason for the stress in my life. The same place where I could make my living was also killing me from the inside out, and for years, I didn't see that. It took a worldwide pandemic to make me realize that. It took a “speed hump” to slow me down. If it wasn't for the virus, or the “hump,” I would have never seen the issue from another perspective. The struggle of going back to normal scared me, but it also made me wiser. It made me care more about myself and my future. I switched jobs, and I left my server life to become a nanny. I planned my year of 2021, and focused on saving enough money to go to college the next year. I also changed my diet and started working out more. I did a detox on my circle of people, and I only kept the ones who I knew could add something positive to my life, the ones with the same “shark mentality” as me. I got another seventeen plants, bringing me to the total of sixty, which became my new weekend therapy. Oh, and I also got a cat which later on I found out I was allergic to, but we are making progress.

Looking back, I see all the negative things that Covid-19 had brought to this world. But even when things were not okay, I tried to be positive and look at the brighter side of the situation. The transition to this new world took a lot from me. Going back to normal was hard, but realizing that the old normal was not where my heart was anymore was definitely harder. Or far worse, realizing that the lifestyle I was living wasn't what I was calling “happiness” broke me down. My dreams were pushed aside, people that I used to think were close friends of mine had moved on and my job was not a healthy place for me anymore. I was back to my old life but my old me wasn't there anymore, which made that life quite unpleasant to live.

We were all forced by Covid to adapt to a new lifestyle that we were not used to. Some people were working from home, some kids were taking online classes, some people had family members taken away forever, but in my case, I was back to life. I was able to set goals for myself and work hard to accomplish them. I loved more, I thanked people more, and I was super grateful for my life and health. I was able to learn a lot throughout the pandemic. I learned that our life can be taken away by a tiny little thing such as a virus and we have no control of it. I learned that money is not that important when you don't even have time to enjoy it. And I learned that it is never too late to restart and to pursue our dreams. I personally had the chance to rediscover myself in 2020, having the ability to create a whole new lifestyle which I was so proud of.  I felt capable of living in the new normal, as long as I took care of myself, my new self.  I was ready for my life after the hump, I was finally ready to cross it.  That whole loop I gave in my life couldn't have happened if I hadn't slowed down. All those changes were only possible due to the hump on my road. It was possible due to Covid-19, a hump that caused so much destruction in the whole world but also made people more humble, grateful and passionate about life. After going through a long way, I finally took control of the steering wheel of my life, crossed the hump, and kept my stable speed. I never looked back at the road, I just kept driving.