Plan B

     By Brian Conway

I am a performer. That is who I am. I am alive when I am on stage. It is my “Plan A.” I have worked hard to obtain my Actors Equity Association card and join the professional union of stage performers. But due to the pandemic, my script has been rewritten. I am no longer the author of my life. I need to activate my “Plan B.” The challenge of the pandemic has forced me to temporarily abandon my performing career and change the direction of my life. 

The pandemic has made me alter my theater and educational goals. The studios that taught me performing arts are currently closed, so my theater training has been put on hold. Non-theater performers think theater training is not as important as academics. They believe the thing one must do after high school is to attend college.  They don’t realize that education within the arts is essential for actors to learn performing skills and polish their talents. It is frustrating that I cannot work on toning my dancing, voice and acting right now. 

The pandemic has stolen my audition opportunities. There are no chances for bright lights, roaring crowds and awards to be won. There are no live shows because theaters have closed. Since there is no live theater there is no need for auditions. No live shows being produced equals no performing opportunities. No performing opportunities equals no auditions. No auditions equals an empty stage. Auditions scheduled before the pandemic were canceled, which means upcoming seasons are stopped. Many people do not understand the world of auditions. The audience just enjoys the final product of a show and do not understand the audition process and the challenges performers go through in order to put a production on its feet.     

I remember the process of auditions before the pandemic. Auditions were terrifying and exciting all at once. I spent months preparing for them. Day and night I would practice my lines. Stretching would be a part of my daily routine. Exercising to stay in shape was a must. I would have trouble eating at times due to the stress. Feeling optimistically anxious, I would sometimes find myself having a short fuse with others. At times it was difficult to talk to me because all you would hear about is my obsession with a potential show. At the end of the day, I loved the steps it took in order to be ready for that special moment. The day of the audition would come and I would be filled with emotions. I felt fear, hope, motivation and confidence because I knew my skills were excellent from all my past experiences. 

I recall one of the last auditions prior to the pandemic. It was for The Rocky Horror Show. The show was produced by the theater company called The Stage located in San Jose. The audition notice was posted on line and the audition process for the show began. Picking out my outfit to make me stand out and look fit was easy. I went over dance steps over and over. I picked the song I was going to sing in the key that suited me best. I went to the audition, and I said to myself, “I feel good! I’ve got this!”  I was incredible in the dance routine and showed remarkable vocal skills with my song. A week later, I got a call and was offered my first professional union contract. I took the offer immediately. A few months later I was on stage with a spotlight sharing my performing skills with the world. My family and friends who have always been my biggest fans were so proud of me. Auditions were a daily routine. They kept me excited about what might happen next. Now I have a void within myself. I live each day feeling there is something missing in my life. I miss auditioning. 

Coronavirus quickly closed the doors to small theater companies. The pandemic has forced social distancing guidelines that are incompatible with theaters. Who wanted to be in a crowded theater filled with people right then? I know I didn’t. The actors weren’t safe because they had to act together in close proximity. The virus is airborne and can be transmitted through saliva being exchanged from one another. Masks are out of the question because it would ruin the visual effect the costumes have on stage. If a performer unknowingly had the Coronavirus, they could give it to another actor through their scene work. 

In San Francisco, the small theater company, San Francisco  Musicals, is no longer. While speaking to the artistic director and founder Matthew McCorrmick, he said, “My theater company has no more money and I have to pull the plug on it. I love my company but it is unsafe for the audience members and actors to be close with each other in theaters. There is no more money to keep it going due to no ticket sales.” I was shocked and sad to hear this news. 

The larger theater companies have been put on hold due to the pandemic, but they have not been killed completely. Their higher ticket prices and more upscale shows had brought in more money than smaller companies, and due to the money being generated from these bigger shows, these larger companies have more savings in the bank for future productions. They may not be currently running, but I believe they will return. I now work with those larger, more professional companies. They have made it possible to travel and lend my talents to stages throughout the United States. Touring nationally with The Magic School Bus Musical in 2011 and living in Utah in 2009 performing in Annie, Footloose and Aida have been some of the best experiences of my life. You can’t travel during the pandemic, and therefore, touring shows are out of the question. It is distressing that larger companies I have recently worked with called The Stage and San Francisco Playhouse have paused their seasons with hopes of returning. 

I feel blessed to have had the success to move my way up the theater ladder before the pandemic took control over the theater world. My theater resume is my theater trophy. The next step of the ladder was Broadway. My “Plan A” and main goal in life is to be a Broadway performer. In order to be seen at casting calls for Broadway you have to be part of The Actors Equity Association Union. Through building my theater resume and gathering points from my past theater companies, I earned enough to be eligible to join the performing union for stage actors. I obtained my union card. This card was going to bring me big places. I said out loud, “It is only a matter of time you will see me in New York with a spotlight on me singing and dancing my heart out!” It was the final step to be eligible for Broadway. It is disappointing to know how hard it was to get my union card and not be able to use it.  It is heartbreaking that Broadway has shut down for the moment. I currently have no chance to reach my dream of being a Broadway performer. It is devastating when your dreams are shattered and your future becomes only a fantasy. 

The majoritarian audience members think theaters not running right now due to the pandemic is not a big deal. It is just another non-essential business closed. They do not realize theater inspires people and allows crowds to learn in a nonconventional way. The counter-group, professional performers like myself, see inactive theaters as a severe pause or death to their income and potential dreams. People think performing is a hobby. That is not true for me. It is my job. It is my income. Performing is my passion. Professional performers need theater to live well, financially and emotionally.  

I have made the bold choice to go back to school online because of the pandemic. This decision promotes safe learning because you can obtain knowledge while maintaining social distancing guidelines. College was always my “Plan B.” I always knew I needed options in my life. I attended college over a decade ago but never received my AS or AA. I have always known I wanted to finish college and feel this pandemic and situation was a sign to do so. Instead of dance class, I am now in political science. Instead of vocal class, I am now in English. To be honest, performing comes natural to me and academics are work, but I love them both. The thrill of performing is applause. The thrill of academics is gaining knowledge and receiving good grades. I used to spend all my time preparing for auditions and perfecting my theater skills. Now I spend all my time on homework and essays. Emotionally, it has been a challenging transition because I am so used to performing versus studying on a daily basis, but everyday academic learning is becoming more natural to me. I am now channeling the past college student in myself. Currently, I am majoring in Social Science at College of San Mateo. 

I currently work at Starbucks which has changed its environment since the pandemic began. The pandemic closed my store temporarily. They supplied us with catastrophe pay, but that wasn’t enough for me to continue a comfortable life. I felt worried about my financial situation. Thank God I had money saved up from previous show contracts that made it possible to get by. They reopened my store in June 2020 with social distancing rules customers and employees must abide by. Pre-pandemic, I enjoyed socializing with the customers. We would have good conversations about our everyday lives. They would consistently ask me what upcoming shows I was going to be in.  Now I don’t talk to customers, as I fear they might give me the Coronavirus. I make minimal small talk and call the next customer to the register. We now have plexiglass all over the store to shield everyone from each other. The employees and customers are required to wear masks. One out of twenty customers attempt to come into the store without a mask and we have to deny them service. Sometimes small arguments will erupt. A customer will say, “It is my right not to wear a mask! I don’t need one!” I would reply, “I’m sorry but I cannot serve you without a mask.” I am glad we are taking these safety precautions, but this all makes it impossible to hear one another. We now shout our orders back to each other. Social distancing is required with customers. Every six feet you see a marker for you to wait at until the next customer is done. At times people do not follow these rules and others will start a small scene. We no longer accept personal cups from customers and follow new safety measures when passing out drinks. The condiments for coffee are no longer in the lobby. This makes the barista’s job that much harder because we have to personally put people’s sugar and cream in their coffee for them. There is no social distancing for the baristas because we are forced to work in very close quarters, which makes it easy to breathe on each other. We constantly bump into each other when heading to our next task. I feel constant stress every time I go to work. I think to myself, “Am I potentially risking catching the virus from my co-workers and customers? Will I bring it home to my parents?” The stresses and challenges that have come up in order to run Starbucks in a pandemic are brutal.

Even if Starbucks is stressful to work at due to the current pandemic, it is my only source of income as of now since I have no money coming in from show contracts. I am fortunate I had a second job before the pandemic started. I’ve been working part time at Starbucks for a couple years now. I was a supervisor but stepped down to a barista trainer in order to allow myself to make theater my full-time job. Now that theater is not in my near future, I think about how I am going to make good money and spend most of my time. My “Plan C” was easily created. Since I already have a job as a Starbucks employee, I have decided to become a full-time worker and attempt to climb back up the ladder of management. I recently got promoted back to a supervisor. It is not exactly what I want, but it is what I have to do to earn money and occupy my time. I am continuing to look for other jobs that are more fulfilling and better suited to my goals. Right now, the job hunt is hard. At the end of the day, I am grateful to have a steady job with hopes of advancement. 

After the pandemic is all over, I still want to be a performer with an academic degree. But to be brutally honest, I can’t help but worry. When will the pandemic end? When will I be able to get back to the original script of my life?  Will I be too old to dance? Will I be out of shape? Will my voice sound the same? Will theater come back? Even with all these questions, I am maintaining contact with the theater world. I will not stop trying to sharpen my performing skills and improve myself. I have to keep believing theater will rise back from the dead. It has to. I have learned that my life’s script might be rewritten through catastrophic events like the pandemic, but that doesn’t mean my final draft will have a different ending from my original script. The middle to my story might be edited. It could be for the good. This pandemic has made me suspend my professional theater career for the moment and become a professional student once again, and it has reminded me the importance of  knowledge and education.  I’ve permanently added succeeding in college as a section of my narrative. I can have it all. The pandemic shows me that anything can happen in life. Your world can change in seconds. I just have to always remember to continue to create new dreams and hold on to my original dreams and aspirations no matter what and never let go. Performing is still my “Plan A.” It is also nice to know I can continue my “Plan B” with my schooling. I now think to myself, “In this complex world, it is better to have multiple goals, and I must always keep my options open.” At the end of the day, performing is my passion, but education is essential to be a well-rounded person. I will not give up my dreams. I was meant to obtain my college degree and possess great knowledge in this world. But I was born to entertain.